I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
