Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
