i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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