Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
