Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize