Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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