Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
