it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
