if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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