he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
