dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
