Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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