Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
