well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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