happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
