Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
