You're my little dorito
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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