Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
