At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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