I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
