____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
