its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
