i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
