hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
