Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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