True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
