That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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