I'm eating all of the evidence.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
