I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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