none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
