thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
