U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
