So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
