my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize