i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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