oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is the high leading the old right now
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
