shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
