she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
