Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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