well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
