you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
