my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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