you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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