there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
