Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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