Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
