Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
