I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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