When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
