what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
