Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
