Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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