omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
