Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
