You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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