i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
