If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
