I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
