Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
