I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
