Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
