All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
