well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
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My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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