if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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