What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
whose parrot is this?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
