mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
