Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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