Me too!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
