Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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