My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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