16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
