so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i will never coherently bang her
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
