apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
