We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
