im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
