you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
