cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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